i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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