We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
