drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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