conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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