I'm sorry my penis didn't work
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
