He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
