I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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