WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
