you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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