I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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