I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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