She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dicks are not precious.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
