How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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