I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
