i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
