I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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