Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
