If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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