I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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