that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
