i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
