Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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