So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
