Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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