I skipped work to stalk him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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