It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
