: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
