whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
