Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
