He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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