I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
