So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
