I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
