Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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