I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
