dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
