we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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