i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
