we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
