I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
