lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
