shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
