I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
