haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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