I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
