Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
