New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I supernannyed him into submission
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
