My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
