i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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