Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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