Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
