I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
