oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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