no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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