May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
