I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
