Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize