Having a random hookup so left but love u
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
