Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
