And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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