I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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