I just saw a hot homeless man
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
