I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
