she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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