Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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