Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
