I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
