He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
