The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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