she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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