he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
