my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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