He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
