i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
