Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize