no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
